It’s About Time Eh?

Posted by HELiX

I don’t usually get snail mails… if you don’t count the illegal shipments from overseas that comes in every other week. But nevermind about that.

My point is, y’know, I don’t usually get postal, paper mails.

Other than the Ministry of Defence, another fan of mine who keeps mailing me is the TIME magazine.

Now, since the start of this year, or possibly even from late last year, they have been mailing in countless of reminders every month. It’s a simple, nonsensical repetitive message:

HAI. UR SUBSCRIPTION GUNNA EXPIRE SOON. LIKE REALLY SOON. WANNA RENEW? Y/Y? WE’LL THROW IN DISCOUNTS THAT CAN MAKE US GO BANKRUPT HUH.

Funny thing is, each time, they never mentioned how many months of subscription I have left with them.

So, I ignored their promotion-of-my-lifetime offers because in another life, maybe I’m some rich kid who subscribes to every single magazine (except NSmen, hopefully) including Playboy and Sports Illustrated in twenty-three different languages.

In the following weeks, the magazines keep coming in and I was naive enough to think each time, “Ooh! My last copy of the TIME magazine!”

And of course, the reminders to renew do come in as well.

That process, went on for months, many months.

Today marks the day where I finally… no, shit, have another ONE MONTH left on my subscription.

At least they’re courteous enough to tell me just how long I have left with the subscription.

At least they declared the contents of the mail to be spam to SingPost, by labeling SERVICE INTERRUPTION ALERT in big, friendly, bold, capitalised letters on the envelope itself.

At least they made a good attempt to convince me that something really terrible gonna happen if I don’t renew my subscription. I mean, seriously, what the hell is ACT NOW AND YOU WILL AVOID SERVICE INTERRUPTION. In big, friendly, bold, capitalised Arial letters.

Dear Mr Low,

It truly is time to act. Only very few… blah blah blah…

…blah blah blah…

Don’t let this happen to you.

…blah blah blah…

Regards,
Nigerian Spam Kingsome woman from TIME

TIME magazine is like the kind of mother in your life who was never really your mother, but sounds like anyway because it nags at you as if you’re doing something devastatingly wrong. And if real world mothers spoke like how the characters in MMORPGs do, TIME magazine will have its words in Arial Black, and if that’s not enough, bolded.

So I guess I’m missing out on a ‘valuable free gift’ (Global Warming book) and a 66% discount (why does it seem to be increasing each time I refuse to renew?).

Perhaps one of the points that draws people to renew their subscription is the fact that they offer ‘improved service for automatic renewal subscribers’. Number two of it states that, ‘No more mailbox clutter: We’ll notify you in advance with just one letter near the end of your term. That’s good for you - and for the environment’.

Well… so that’s that, but I’m not gonna just let them off like that.

I remember there was this article I read online, about a guy in the United States, who got so sick of receiving ads like this until he decided to return a reply to the company one day.

These companies offer free postage back, and they will cover the cost of the postage entirely through their permit with the Post Office. Ironically, the guy was working for such a company, and decided to try out with his own company first. He put in brick (yes, a brick) into a shoe box, sealed it, pasted the reply mail envelope on it and sent it in for delivery. A few days later, it appeared at his office.

Since then, replying to businesses has become one of his hobbies.

I’m not sure how that works out in Singapore, but I’m going for this.

8:48 PM 8 August 2008